Who needs marriage most?

WHO NEEDS MARRIAGE MOST, A MAN OR A WOMAN?
The issue of who needs marriage most does not cross many people’s mind. They take it for granted that both men and women need it with equal zeal. But a close examination of the subject will show that though both need marriage, the degree of zeal is what makes the difference, it is the reason why women actually yearn for marriage with all their soul. But why?
In African societies, it is seen as a norm for a woman from age 13 to late 30s, to be married. But after the 30s, tongues will begin to wag, insinuating the unthinkable. By this time the woman is seen as needing spiritual help according to popular expectation. Meanwhile, it’s been conveniently forgotten that men are not readily available for her to marry. Men on the other hand are luckier in terms of age. If they are not married at the age of 35, it is seen as a normal thing, he might even decide not to marry at 50 if he chooses; he is the man. But early marriage has its obvious advantage because there is nothing as wonderful as growing up with your kids or even being a grand-father.
Nevertheless, it is the woman who needs marriage most, single motherhood is viewed unfavorably in our societies; it is looked on with disdain and even outright disapproval. Such women become the butt of lewd jokes. So a woman needs marriage for the respect that goes with the title, Mrs: it accords a woman respectability and uncommon dignity. In some Ibo societies, a woman is regarded as being headless; she needs the head of a man to have her own head to be complete. Also, in some societies, a woman does not have a home until she goes to her husband’s home. Her parent’s home is home for her brothers not her. This accounts for the inability of women to inherit landed property. In her husband’s home, it is her male children who own the landed properties, else they go to the husband’s brothers if she has no male children of her own.
On the other hand, a man can have children outside matrimony and nobody may notice it because it is seemingly normal. Problem arises if he makes no will before he dies. In any case, nobody would accuse his out of wedlock children “bastards” as is the case with a single mother’s children.
Marriage defines a woman’s sexual needs. It is supposed to tame her sexual desires and keep her from jumping from one bed to another. But honestly speaking, we all know that marriage has never stopped wayward women from expressing themselves sexually outside. Such women are easily condemned. But men’s sexual excesses rarely attract more than one woman would agree to marry one man is tacit affirmation that they need marriage more than men. Rarely would two men knowingly tangle with one woman at least not when she is married.
Nevertheless, it is not morally correct for a man and woman to have children outside of wedlock. When the children grow up, they would ask questions, but the woman bears the brunt of such questions most especially as male children would want to know their fraternal roots. They (male children) always insist on knowing who ‘daddy’ is and the mother had better have the answer.
A man need to marry to actualize his dream of raising children that will keep the family name going: Marriage makes a man more responsible. Whereas marriage will be the topic of discussion amongst a gathering of young women where they build endless fantasies about dream man, dream home, dream children, young men will discuss the number of women they have had, they are intending to have, etc.
Nevertheless, marriage is good and honorable for both the man and woman. It is an age old institution with divine blessing which has no substitute.

Written By,
ADELEKE KELVIN
President CYON St. Anthony Mass Centre,
Evbuotubu, Benin City.